I’M READY TO BE SEEN!!!!
Monique Darling I love you so damn much!!! Thank you for showing up so powerfully YOU and encouraging me to do the same. In your infinite wisdom you invited me to assist in an incredible journey with 15 other amazing womyn practitioners. I resisted. And you lovingly & patiently encouraged me. I showed up.
Here is my journey on a 5 day Women Healing Women Practitioners Retreat:
Day one:
I receive a message from my guides. BE FUCKING BRAVE! Ok! We give each other permission to speak our truth to one another and agree not to gossip. I speak my truth to two powerful womyn on how I desire to communicate & connect with them, and how I don’t. Its fucken hard! I care for these womyn and deeply want more connection! They respond beautifully. I’m so grateful. I continue to ask for just what I want and need. And get it!! I share my truth over and over again. Im entrusted with holding space for 3 amazing sisters. They chose me. Im honored.
Day two:
I can’t concentrate. Life back home is calling me. The wise priestess Cathleene Cienfuegos unknowingly gives me permission to self care. I take it. I check out and check in with my family. It takes several hours. With everyone doing well I breath a sigh of relief and rejoin the group. Our Priestess leads us in an erotic journey and I reach BLISS! And my ability to tap in to my bliss in the midst of others suffering. Im worthy of my own bliss. Download after download of reassurance, love & clarity on how to get what I want & need! Im infinitely grateful! Afterwards I go outside and lay naked in the sun. I fuck the sun and the sun fucks me. I reach a new level of BLISS. That night Im held by a beloved & trusted friend during my yoni release work where I access two emotions that scare the shit out of me, GRIEF & RAGE. I go to bed irritated and cranky. Who left their dishes for others to clean?! Why is the hot tub set at 106?!? I scald myself in it. Im so pissed!
Day 3:
I share with the group that I have accessed these emotions and that Im terrified of them. Im terrified that they will overtake me. That I will spew undeserved rage at a sister. The same undeserved rage I grew up facing regularly and had once spewed at my own sweet family. Ive worked so hard to overcome these old patterns. And now it’s back?!? And with it is so much GRIEF!! I fear that grief will take me once again down the lonely road of deep depression, where I never want to leave my bed. I share through my tears. I don’t want to live in this place again. Monique hears my desperation. She asks me to explore it more, in the middle of the room, with everyone witnessing me. Im fucking brave. My beloved teacher & friend invites me to access these emotions FULLY! She says she can take it! I gaze in to her soft green eyes. I believe her. With the grace of a goddess she allows me to SCREAM in her face! A lifetime of rage & frustration! It wasn’t meant for her, but she took it. I access a part of my throat Ive never felt before. I scream louder & more angrier than I ever have before in my life!! She CAN take it! Her soft green eyes shine brightly. She loves this!!! She remains calm and grounding. Then comes grief. Oh GRIEF!!! Grief has me wailing loudly, in a heap on the floor, crying like a broken, lost & sad child. Crying for my daddy. Daddy!!!! I sob. Snotty, wet sobs so deep that others feel my intense sadness and sob with me! DADDY!!! I call out to the daddy I never had. The daddy I finally found as a 32 year old woman. The daddy who loved me fiercely. The daddy who would do anything for me. The daddy that was making plans to move to be with me and my children. The daddy that died just a week later, suddenly and in my arms only 4 short years after finding him. Much too soon, much too suddenly. But this time my grief doesn’t take over me and leave me questioning my own desire to live. This time grief BLOWS OPEN MY HEART!!
Day 4:
I find a love & acceptance for myself Ive never had before. So much of my doubt has fallen away. I too, am a powerful priestess! I too, can hold space & healing & guidance and love! I release the old excuses that I’m not ready. I share healing & guidance in a whole new way. I trust my intuition and offer my presence to my sister’s who have lost their grounding. Im shining fucking bravely. There will ALWAYS be work to do. Im ready!
Day 5:
A day of celebration! We share tips and insights with one another on how to shine! That night we are honored by the High Priestesses! We share with one another yoni adoration and are given a ceremonial blessing. Carry on this wisdom sisters! Go forth and heal one another! We are SO ready!!!
I am forever grateful for my fellow sisters who bravely showed up amd joined me in this hard work of blooming! I am forever grateful for the High Priestess Cathleene for showing what it means to show up bravely & shine! And reminding me its time to WAKE UP! My community needs me! I am forever grateful for my love, Monique Darling for your patience, love, guidance and encouragement. Thank you for seeing me. YES I am READY!!